đ€ Quotable quotes: âI donât know what happened out there, but I do know...whaever it was... isn't what you are really angry about ....Go deal with it."
â Roy Kent
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When Roy Kent says something, you listen. Especially when itâs this kind of wisdom, tucked inside a growl.
In Season 3, Episode 9, a fan hurls an ugly slur from the stands, and Isaac reacts. Hard. He storms into the crowd, earns a red card, and sends everyone into shock. Later, we learn that Isaacâs anger wasnât really about the fan at all. It was about his teammate Colin, who had been quietly struggling with something big and personal.
Roy finds Isaac in the locker room and drops a truth bomb only Roy Kent could deliver: âThatâs not what youâre angry about. Go deal with it.â
It is one of those moments where a show about soccer reminds us itâs really about being human.
đ Why This Matters for You
We all have those moments. Something small goes wrong and suddenly weâre snapping at a coworker, honking at a stranger, or muttering things our grandmothers would disapprove of. But usually, the thing weâre mad about is not the thing weâre mad about.
Anger is often a messenger. It shows up loud, but itâs usually carrying something quiet underneath â hurt, fear, guilt, or disappointment.
Royâs advice is the kind of coaching we could all use: pause, look beneath the surface, and deal with the real thing instead of unloading it on the nearest person.
Here are a few Lasso Locker Room Lessons to help with that:
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Name it before you aim it. Before reacting, ask yourself what the real source of the frustration is. Most of the time, it is not the person in front of you.
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Take it to the mirror, not the meeting. A quick moment of reflection beats a long apology later.
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Lead with curiosity, not blame. Ask âWhy did that bother me so much?â instead of âWho caused this?â
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Own your energy. Leadership is not about never feeling anger; it is about knowing where to put it.
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Deal with it. The hardest part is the most important. When you know what itâs really about, address it directly and kindly (like Roy told Isaac to do).
Emotional honesty is not soft. It is strong. It keeps teams, friendships, and families from breaking under pressure.
𫶠Stay curious,
â Nick & Marnie
Your tea sipping, truth seeking, curiosity keeping friends
More leadership musings
đȘ Biscuits with the Boss:
Think of a time you got angry, only to realize later that the real reason was something else entirely.
What would it look like to âgo deal with itâ next time?
đBeardâs collection: Sometimes, what we think is anger is just something else trying to get our attention. These reads help you pause, look under the surface, and handle what is really going on before it handles you.
đ Marc Brackett, Ph.D. Permission to Feel. Celadon Books, 2020.
A powerful book from a Yale researcher that reminds us emotions are data, not directives. It helps you name what you feel so you can manage it, not mask it.
đ Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter. Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts -- Becoming the Person You Want to Be. Crown Currency, 2015.
A great guide for leaders and humans on how to recognize the situations that spark unwanted reactions and build habits that lead to calm, deliberate choices instead.
đ Susan David. Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life. Avery, 2016.
A smart and compassionate look at how to face emotions honestly without letting them take over. Davidâs message fits perfectly with Royâs advice: you cannot lead others if you refuse to deal with what is happening inside you.
đ This week in Here - There - Every Fâing where
Education is ready for a Vibe Shift (and apparently so are we!) - here is Nick presenting The Business of You at the Vibe Shift conference in California. Great times had by all (can you say Pecha Kucha - we can't either but we did one :) )
How about this?! Last year, Lead it Like Lasso won two BookFest awards and this weekend, The Business of You won two (in Careers and Personal Development)! We know, we know, it's not about the wins and losses (but this is very exciting!!)
We are very excited about this one - we are hosting a LinkedIn Live with former Hollywood actress, turn Modern Etiquette (yeah, not the old-fashioned kind) guru and all around cool human. If you click the link and hit 'Attend', you will get notified and have the recording available (not on LinkedIn - join our FB community: Blue The Business of You - we will be sure to replay it there :) ).
Believe!
Nick & Marnie
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