Curiosity #34 - Be the CPR (Calmest person in the room)

🎤 Quotable Quote

“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
— George Bernard Shaw (via Kellie Ady)

We know, it stings.
Because let’s be honest—we’ve all said “as I mentioned earlier” and assumed that counted as alignment.
Kellie reminds us that real communication isn’t what you say—it’s what others actually absorb.
So say it again. Say it better. Say it where they are emotionally, not just where you are strategically.

We’ve all heard the leadership clichés.

"Lead from the front."
"Speak your truth."
"Push through resistance."

But what if the best leadership move isn’t pushing? What if it’s pausing?

This week on Leadership Rules, Kellie Ady joined us to talk about leading through change, and she dropped what might be the best sticker-worthy rule we’ve ever heard:

“CPR: Calmest Person in the Room.”

That’s it. That’s the sticker. She literally printed it for herself and stuck it on her notebook.

Because here’s the thing: most people aren’t resisting change—they’re grieving it.

As Kellie explained, “Change isn’t about resistance. It’s about loss.”
Loss of control.
Loss of identity.
Loss of knowing what the heck you’re doing on Monday morning.

So when the rollout goes sideways (hello, seven-inch netbooks), when the team starts spiraling, or when you’re staring down another reorg with vague emails and no budget—your job isn’t to be the loudest.
It’s to be the clearest.
The steadiest.
The calmest.

And Kellie doesn’t just talk the talk. She’s led change in school districts, tech companies, and across acquisitions where she had influence without authority, teams without direct reports, and success without playbooks. If you’ve ever tried to lead from the middle—or the edges—this episode is a blueprint for how to do it with heart and strategy.

So what’s her leadership rule?

Be calm.
Listen first.
Don’t skip the emotional layer in your change plan.
And when in doubt, remember: everyone is the star of their own show.

(Sorry, your org chart didn’t make the cast list.)

Want to lead a team without losing your humanity—or theirs?
🎧 Listen to the full episode here:

And forward this to someone who needs to hear:
“It's not resistance. It's grief. Lead accordingly.”

More Musings

🍪 Biscuits with the Boss:

What’s one change you resisted… that ended up being the best thing for you?

Maybe it was a new job you didn’t ask for.
Maybe it was a team reorg that rattled your sense of identity.
Maybe it was a tech rollout that felt like a disaster… until it taught you how to lead under pressure.

Kellie shares how a failed device rollout changed the way she thought about buy-in, empathy, and post-traumatic implementation syndrome. (Yes, that’s a thing.)

💬 Hit reply or share in the comments: What did resistance teach you about yourself?

🏅 Whistle. Whistle.

You can’t lead through change if you haven’t planned for emotion.

Kellie brought the heat with this one:
💡 “Change isn't about resistance. It’s about loss.”

If you’re building a change plan that only accounts for logistics, congratulations—you’ve just designed a system that will break the moment humans touch it.

Emotions aren’t an afterthought.
They’re the terrain.

Map the emotional journey or watch the wheels fall off when people hit the unmarked curves.

📚Beard’s collection: 

📖 Heifetz, Ronald, et al. The Practice of Adaptive Leadership: Tools and Tactics for Changing Your Organization and the World. Harvard Business Press, 2009.
This is the book for anyone who's ever tried to lead change and thought, “Why does everyone hate me?” Spoiler: They don’t. They just don’t want to lose what they know. Kellie’s entire leadership DNA is rooted in this—read it and you’ll start seeing resistance as data, not defiance. Think of it as Ted coaching Roy through vulnerability… with a whiteboard.

📖 Clark, Timothy R. The 4 Stages of Psychological Safety: Defining the Path to Inclusion and Innovation. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2020.
For anyone trying to lead people who don’t technically “report to you”—this one’s your bible. Kellie doesn’t just talk about building trust during change; she lives it. This book breaks down why your team won’t innovate (or even speak up) if they don’t feel safe. Channel your inner Higgins and make the room safe enough for people to say, “Actually… I disagree.”

📖 Clark, Dorie. The Long Game: How to Be a Long-Term Thinker in a Short-Term World. Harvard Business Review Press, 2021.
If Kellie’s leadership rule is “Be the calmest person in the room,” this book is your training montage. It’s for anyone who’s sick of chasing short-term wins and ready to play the kind of long game that earns trust, shapes culture, and gets whiteboard-haters to eventually ask for document cameras. Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.

🌎 This week in Here - There - Every F’ing where 

This week we are sliding into your inbox earlier than usual. We'd love to hear what you think of an early start to your Weekly Curiosity.

This week Marnie also joined the Eastern Shore Talk podcast - they talk all things self-care and entertainment so you can bet Ted Lasso chats are a good fit. We imagined what Season 4 might look like. We'd love to hear your ideas! Want to hear our chat - here you go.

Barbecue Sauce!

Marnie & Nick

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