Curiosity #34 - Be the CPR (Calmest person in the room)
đ€ Quotable Quote
âThe biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.â
â George Bernard Shaw (via Kellie Ady)
We know, it stings.
Because letâs be honestâweâve all said âas I mentioned earlierâ and assumed that counted as alignment.
Kellie reminds us that real communication isnât what you sayâitâs what others actually absorb.
So say it again. Say it better. Say it where they are emotionally, not just where you are strategically.
Weâve all heard the leadership clichĂ©s.
"Lead from the front."
"Speak your truth."
"Push through resistance."
But what if the best leadership move isnât pushing? What if itâs pausing?
This week on Leadership Rules, Kellie Ady joined us to talk about leading through change, and she dropped what might be the best sticker-worthy rule weâve ever heard:
âCPR: Calmest Person in the Room.â
Thatâs it. Thatâs the sticker. She literally printed it for herself and stuck it on her notebook.
Because hereâs the thing: most people arenât resisting changeâtheyâre grieving it.
As Kellie explained, âChange isnât about resistance. Itâs about loss.â
Loss of control.
Loss of identity.
Loss of knowing what the heck youâre doing on Monday morning.
So when the rollout goes sideways (hello, seven-inch netbooks), when the team starts spiraling, or when youâre staring down another reorg with vague emails and no budgetâyour job isnât to be the loudest.
Itâs to be the clearest.
The steadiest.
The calmest.
And Kellie doesnât just talk the talk. Sheâs led change in school districts, tech companies, and across acquisitions where she had influence without authority, teams without direct reports, and success without playbooks. If youâve ever tried to lead from the middleâor the edgesâthis episode is a blueprint for how to do it with heart and strategy.
So whatâs her leadership rule?
Be calm.
Listen first.
Donât skip the emotional layer in your change plan.
And when in doubt, remember: everyone is the star of their own show.
(Sorry, your org chart didnât make the cast list.)
Want to lead a team without losing your humanityâor theirs?
đ§ Listen to the full episode here:
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And forward this to someone who needs to hear:
âIt's not resistance. It's grief. Lead accordingly.â
More Musings
đȘ Biscuits with the Boss:
Whatâs one change you resisted⊠that ended up being the best thing for you?
Maybe it was a new job you didnât ask for.
Maybe it was a team reorg that rattled your sense of identity.
Maybe it was a tech rollout that felt like a disaster⊠until it taught you how to lead under pressure.
Kellie shares how a failed device rollout changed the way she thought about buy-in, empathy, and post-traumatic implementation syndrome. (Yes, thatâs a thing.)
đŹ Hit reply or share in the comments: What did resistance teach you about yourself?
đ Whistle. Whistle.
You canât lead through change if you havenât planned for emotion.
Kellie brought the heat with this one:
đĄ âChange isn't about resistance. Itâs about loss.â
If youâre building a change plan that only accounts for logistics, congratulationsâyouâve just designed a system that will break the moment humans touch it.
Emotions arenât an afterthought.
Theyâre the terrain.
Map the emotional journey or watch the wheels fall off when people hit the unmarked curves.
đBeardâs collection:
đ Heifetz, Ronald, et al. The Practice of Adaptive Leadership: Tools and Tactics for Changing Your Organization and the World. Harvard Business Press, 2009.
This is the book for anyone who's ever tried to lead change and thought, âWhy does everyone hate me?â Spoiler: They donât. They just donât want to lose what they know. Kellieâs entire leadership DNA is rooted in thisâread it and youâll start seeing resistance as data, not defiance. Think of it as Ted coaching Roy through vulnerability⊠with a whiteboard.
đ Clark, Timothy R. The 4 Stages of Psychological Safety: Defining the Path to Inclusion and Innovation. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2020.
For anyone trying to lead people who donât technically âreport to youââthis oneâs your bible. Kellie doesnât just talk about building trust during change; she lives it. This book breaks down why your team wonât innovate (or even speak up) if they donât feel safe. Channel your inner Higgins and make the room safe enough for people to say, âActually⊠I disagree.â
đ Clark, Dorie. The Long Game: How to Be a Long-Term Thinker in a Short-Term World. Harvard Business Review Press, 2021.
If Kellieâs leadership rule is âBe the calmest person in the room,â this book is your training montage. Itâs for anyone whoâs sick of chasing short-term wins and ready to play the kind of long game that earns trust, shapes culture, and gets whiteboard-haters to eventually ask for document cameras. Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.
đ This week in Here - There - Every Fâing where
This week we are sliding into your inbox earlier than usual. We'd love to hear what you think of an early start to your Weekly Curiosity.
This week Marnie also joined the Eastern Shore Talk podcast - they talk all things self-care and entertainment so you can bet Ted Lasso chats are a good fit. We imagined what Season 4 might look like. We'd love to hear your ideas! Want to hear our chat - here you go.
Barbecue Sauce!
Marnie & Nick
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