🎤 Quotable quote: Do you believe in ghosts Ted? “I do, but more importantly, I think they need to believe in themselves.”
Let's start with this week's Halloween leadership musings by Marnie Stockman & Nick Coniglio
10 things to say instead of ghosting
(No sheet)
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With Halloween just around the corner, ghosts are on everyone’s mind. But while a spooky spirit might make for a fun costume, ghosting someone in real life? Not so much. We all have those moments where we’d rather disappear like a ghost than face an uncomfortable conversation, but believe us—there’s a better way.
Ghosting is more than just vanishing without a word. It leaves people confused, frustrated, and wondering what went wrong. And in a world where connection is key, ghosting can haunt your relationships, whether personal or professional.
Definition of Ghosting
Ghosting—it’s a term we’ve all heard and maybe even experienced. In today’s world of constant connectivity, it’s the easiest way to disappear without so much as a “goodbye.” Ghosting happens when someone suddenly cuts off all communication without explanation. One minute, you’re talking or texting, and the next, nothing. No responses, no closure, just radio silence. It can happen in romantic relationships, friendships, work situations, or even networking exchanges. But no matter the setting, the result is the same: confusion and a lingering sense of “what just happened?”
Why People Ghost
Why do people ghost? It often comes down to one simple reason: avoiding discomfort. Ghosting is an easy way out when a conversation or relationship starts to feel tricky. Some people ghost because they don’t want to face a tough conversation—whether it’s turning someone down, rejecting a job offer, or ending a friendship. Others might ghost because they feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to say. And sometimes, it’s about not wanting to hurt feelings, even though ghosting usually ends up hurting more. Whatever the reason, ghosting is rarely about the other person—it’s about avoiding our own discomfort.
The Impact of Ghosting
If you’ve ever been ghosted, you know the feeling: a mix of confusion, frustration, and maybe even self-doubt (who are we kidding - definitely self-doubt!). You’re left wondering what went wrong or why things ended so abruptly.
Ghosting can make people question themselves and their worth, creating emotional and mental fallout that lasts far beyond the lack of response.
And on the flip side, ghosting isn’t a win for the person doing it either. It chips away at trust, weakens future relationships, and can leave us feeling guilty or stuck in a cycle of avoidance. It’s a lose-lose situation that, in the end, erodes connection—the very thing we need most in our relationships.
So what do we do about it? Having some tricks up your sleeve (or in that trick-or-treat basket) can be handy when the going gets tough. So, like Dan Aykroyd in 1984, we have some responses you can use instead of disappearing. (Yeah - ghost busting ideas ;) ).
Top 10 Responses to Avoid Ghosting (No Sheet Required):
- For Friends:
- “I’ve been buried in stuff lately, but I miss our catch-ups. Let’s carve out time soon!”
- Life gets busy, but it doesn’t mean you need to vanish into thin air.
- For Professional Contacts:
- “Thanks for reaching out! I’m swamped right now, but I’ll circle back when I’m free.”
- Even a quick acknowledgment beats the silent treatment, keeping doors open for future opportunities.
- For Networking Connections:
- “It’s been great connecting, but our paths don’t align at the moment. Hope to cross them again soon!”
- Sometimes, all it takes is a little transparency to keep things cordial.
- For Job Offers You’re Declining:
- “Thank you for the offer, but I’m pursuing another opportunity. Wishing you the best in finding the right fit!”
- A little respect goes a long way—and who knows? You might cross paths again.
- For Project Collaborations:
- “I’m realizing my plate’s too full right now to do this justice. I’d rather step back so you can find the right person.”
- Think of this as passing the baton, not dropping it.
- For Breakups or Difficult Conversations:
- “I think we need to talk about where we’re headed. Let’s find a time to chat honestly.”
- We all know disappearing doesn’t solve the problem. Facing it head-on is how we grow.
- For Social Plans You’re Not Feeling:
- “Thanks for the invite! I’m going to pass this time, but let’s catch up soon.”
- It’s okay to say no, just don’t do it like a ghost would.
- For Conversations That Have Run Their Course:
- “I’ve enjoyed our chats, but I don’t think we’re on the same wavelength. Take care!”
- This is your exit, stage left—no spooky silence required.
- For Freelance Clients You Can’t Take On:
- “I’m at capacity right now, but I’d be happy to refer someone who could help.”
- Redirecting is way better than leaving them hanging in the haunted unknown.
- For Follow-Up Requests You’re Not Ready to Answer:
- “I’m still thinking this over. I’ll get back to you by [specific date] with my decision.”
- Set clear expectations so the other person isn’t left wandering through the fog of uncertainty.
As the clock strikes midnight on Halloween… Let’s leave the ghosting to the ghouls and the goblins (and potentially training rooms in AFC Richmond). Whether it’s a tricky conversation with a friend, a professional dilemma, or just a social plan you’re dodging, there’s always a way to handle things with grace. After all, leadership isn’t just about the big decisions; it’s about the small, everyday choices that show respect for others—and for ourselves.
So the next time you’re tempted to ghost, remember: you’re better than that. Like Ted says, it’s all about believing. And if ghosts can believe in themselves, so can we.
Happy Halloween!
More leadership musings
🍪 Biscuits with the Boss icebreaker: While we are on the subject of Halloween, this is an icebreaker that can get any crowd talking: What is the best costume you have ever had?
Here’s some “Sheet” you can be for Halloween - shout out to laurenagans for the laughs. (Seriously - this is some mom/dad pun gold!)
🏅Whistle. Whistle. Roy's tough love advice: [Roy looks at group text on his phone] "There's no f*cking way I am responding to a group text. Oh wait, I am trying to be better. [Texts "Ok"]
Join Roy in being better and stop phantoming 👻👻👻 in group messages.
📚Beard’s collection: Recommended books and articles
đź“– Patterson, Kerry, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. McGraw-Hill, 2011.
Crucial Conversations is a go-to guide for those moments when emotions run high and stakes are even higher. The authors offer tools to help you stay calm and clear-headed in challenging situations, teaching you how to approach difficult conversations without shutting down or ghosting. The focus is on fostering connection through clear, respectful dialogue, no matter how tough the conversation.
📖 Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House, 2018.
In Dare to Lead, Brené Brown shows us how to face tough conversations with vulnerability, empathy, and courage. Whether you’re navigating professional challenges or personal relationships, Brown encourages you to lean in and communicate honestly—even when it’s uncomfortable. Ghosting? Not an option. This book is all about showing up fully and building trust.
đź“– Rosenberg, Marshall B. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Puddledancer Press, 2003.
Nonviolent Communication teaches a powerful method for expressing yourself and listening to others with empathy and respect. Rosenberg’s approach helps you break away from avoidance and communicate clearly without aggression. Perfect for anyone looking to replace ghosting with thoughtful, compassionate conversation and connection.
This week in Here - There - Every F'ing where
We want to thank both Oracle and Homefield IT for inviting us to chat all things leadership. We loved hearing from hundreds of folks about their leadership styles, the value of servant leadership and how their core values play out everyday.
👻 Oooooooh - Wait a sec! We have one more treat in this pre-Halloween newsletter. Are you a educator? We have a fun (and free!) webinar coming up. If so reply “I love teachers!” and we will send you the details.
📦 Nate’s suggestion box: We want to hear from you all the great ideas and suggestions around various leadership topics you would love to see discussed (since Ted took care of the water pressure in the locker room, we can work on other requests 🙂).
How do you make a suggestion? Just hit reply to this email (do not put gum in your keyboard like Jamie Tartt - just send your ideas our way!)
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