Curiosity #19 - The Offsides Trap of Servant Leadership

🎤 Quotable quotes: “It ain’t easy to explain, but you know it when you see it." — Ted Lasso on the offsides rule in soccer.

The Offsides Trap of Servant Leadership

We know servant leadership works. Ted knows it. Beard knows it. Even Nate—before he went to the dark side—knew it. When you lead through service, teams thrive, trust grows, and people bring their best selves to the game.

So why, when the pressure is on, do we so often fall back into authority-based leadership?

It’s not that we don’t believe in servant leadership. It’s that certain roadblocks trip us up—often without us even realizing it.

And that brings us to the offsides trap.

If you’ve ever watched AFC Richmond in action (or, you know, actual soccer), you know the offsides rule can be tricky. Players get caught out of position, thinking they’re making the right move, only to hear the ref’s whistle.

The same thing happens in leadership. We think we’re playing the right way—coaching, guiding, supporting—but then stress hits, patience runs out, or things aren’t moving fast enough, and suddenly we’re barking orders instead of building trust.

So why does this happen? Three big reasons:

1. Social Influence: We Lead Like We Were Led

As Ted would say, “You gotta be curious, not judgmental.” And when it comes to leadership, it helps to ask: Where did we learn how to lead in the first place?

🚨 60% of new managers never receive formal leadership training.

🚨 82% of UK managers are “accidental managers”—thrown into leadership with no guidance.

So if our early leadership role models were authority-driven, we’re likely to repeat those patterns—even if we want to lead differently. Because we weren't ever taught how to lead.

2. Instant Gratification: The Fast Fix vs. The Long Game

Command-and-control leadership is fast. You tell someone what to do, and boom—task complete.

Servant leadership? It’s the long game. It takes patience, investment, and a willingness to let people figure things out instead of just doing it yourself in 30 seconds.

And in a world that rewards speed, it’s easy to default to quick fixes instead of building the foundation for lasting success.

As Ted might remind us, “You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don’t wanna hear it.” Servant leadership takes time, and that’s okay.

3. It’s Hard: Like, Really Hard

There’s a reason flight attendants tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first. Servant leadership takes self-awareness, resilience, and the ability to balance helping others with setting boundaries.

And let’s be real—on the hard days, it’s easier to just take charge than to invest in coaching and empowerment. Not because we don’t value servant leadership, but because it requires a level of discipline, patience, and trust that doesn’t always feel natural.

So, How Do We Stay Onside?

If servant leadership is the goal, but old habits keep pulling us back, how do we break the cycle?

First, awareness is key. Recognizing when we’re slipping into authority-based leadership is the first step toward choosing a better response.

Second, practice patience. Servant leadership takes time—just like building trust, coaching a team, or turning Jamie Tartt into a team player.

And finally, remember the bigger picture. The best leaders, like the best coaches, aren’t focused on just winning today’s match. They’re playing for the long game—building a culture where people thrive, step up, and lead in their own right.

So when you feel the urge to take charge, ask yourself: Are you making the right play, or just trying to avoid the offsides whistle?

More leadership musings

🍪 Biscuits with the Boss: What’s one leadership habit you picked up from a past boss—good or bad? How has it shaped the way you lead today?
(And if you say “I don’t think I picked up anything”… well, maybe take another look.)

🏅Whistle. Whistle.: 

Roy Kent would probably say..."Yeah, servant leadership is hard. So what? You think being a great leader is supposed to be easy? Grow up." 

(Translation: If you want a team that trusts you, plays for you, and gets better because of you, you gotta put in the work. No shortcuts. No whining. Just lead.)

📚Beard’s collection: 

📖 Greenleaf, Robert K. The Servant as Leader. The Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership, 2015 (rev Edition).
The foundational text on servant leadership, this book explores how true leadership isn’t about power, but about serving others. If you want to understand the philosophy behind putting people first, this is where it all began.

📖 Sinek, Simon. Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t. Portfolio, 2014 (reprint Edition).
Why do some teams thrive while others break down under pressure? Sinek argues that great leaders create environments of trust and safety, where people feel valued and supported. A must-read for anyone serious about leading through service rather than authority.

📖 Marquet, L. David. Turn the Ship Around!: A True Story of Turning Followers into Leaders. Penguin Books Ltd; International Edition, 2015.
A former nuclear submarine captain, Marquet transformed a struggling crew by shifting from top-down orders to empowerment. His story proves that leadership isn’t about knowing all the answers—it’s about building a team that does. Perfect for leaders looking to break the habit of command-and-control leadership.

🌎 This week in Here - There - Every F’ing where 

Marnie's adult son agreed (begrudingly) to take this picture of her impersonating Roy Kent. Also this week, 7th and 10th graders in the leadership program at St. Michaels Middle High School in St. Michaels, MD learned how to Lead It Like Lasso.

We would all be wise to remember that servant leadership is a journey, not a quick fix. The more we recognize the roadblocks, the better we can navigate them—and avoid getting caught offsides.

See you next week,
Nick & Marnie